Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
