You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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