Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
