2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
