im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
