There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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