good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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