remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
