i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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