I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
