my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
