I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
