please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
