She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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