I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
