oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
