wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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