She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
