Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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