nut hugger
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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