I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
