Is it because I queefed?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
