Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
