Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
whose parrot is this?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize