last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
