Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
