Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
