Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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