were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize