it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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