i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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