on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
