dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm really busy with my period
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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