your room smells of hookers.
And success
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
