U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize