Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
