I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
