'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
