i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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