Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
