Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize