By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
