Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We have so much sex to catch up on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
