well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
