I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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