I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
