meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
