YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it's like iHOP with fire
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
