So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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