I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
