You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
