i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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