He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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