I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
this hospital has no fireball
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
