my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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