i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
