at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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