I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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