therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize