Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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