I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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