I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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