I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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