roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize