You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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