And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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