whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
