hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
