My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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