I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
