If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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