I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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