haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
