i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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