There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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