i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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