He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
