If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize