did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
