Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
