His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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