she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
