Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize